Attraction is a concept that encompasses many things to many people. Some folks are attracted to good looks, but what is good is extremely subjective. One man’s junk could be another man’s treasure. One woman might be attracted to the bearded lumberjack type, while another might like a longhaired rocker type, and others might like the bald guys. Bald guys need love, too! But attraction isn’t limited to looks alone.
Attraction can also come in the form of mannerisms, style, and overall mindset. You’ve got your energetic types, your mellow folks, and everyone in between. Then, of course, there’s wit, intellect, and sense of humor. For example, I live for dry humor and sarcasm. And I’ll admit it, I absolutely love playing mind games with people. I’m very attracted to people on my level, to people who get me, and know how to deal with me. I like to give it, and I like to get it back. That said, I can’t date a woman who drives the [relationship] car. Women drivers are the equivalent to cold showers for me. Please understand that we’re not talking about driving actual cars, here, so all you Taliban folks out there CALM DOWN! I’m talking about being in charge in relationships. Interestingly a lot of guys have no problem with it. Some are even attracted to the idea and yearn for it.
And yes, Sherlock, if you’re just now arriving at the conclusion that this isn’t an article about bodybuilding, then I must commend you. You’re definitely Rhodes Scholar material!
I’m very much a fan of the ways things used to be. I’d call it traditional sans all the sexist crap. I don’t see myself as being sexist or chauvinist. I believe in gender equality across the boards. I would say I’m a feminist and believe men and women should compete for everything based on merit. I don’t think one gender is better than the other. I don’t subscribe to one gender hunting and another gathering. That’s stereotypical bullshit and I’ve never been about that. I don’t think men need to be stone-faced and emotionless and I don’t think women need to be covered in makeup, fake nails, and/or be hair sprayed to the Ozone Layer. That said, I do believe in doing whatever makes you happy. Happiness is key to a happy life. Sounds pretty redundant, doesn’t it? Seems almost nonsensical to write, let alone say out loud, but there are a lot of people living a lie. At least I think they are…
I find it very hard to believe that any man would be happy being bossed around by his lady, told when to go from a bar, told what movie to watch, ordered for at a restaurant or instructed on what to do in other situations. It’s hard for me to believe that a man would be happy in any of these scenarios. And it’s equally, if not more so, difficult for me to believe that a woman wants a man like that. It’s one thing if a couple is 50/50 in most settings, even in one in particular, but for the guy to be passive? I struggle with that. Does she change you too, bro? Sorry. I just can’t wrap my head around that. And what’s crazy is that there’s men out there who look for women to put them in check. I mean look at Mike Pence, he calls his wife mother. I don’t even want to think about what that dynamic must be like. “You’ve been a bad boy, Mike.” LOL
Maybe I’m showing my age. I’m a Gen X’er by a whopping a year and two months. Perhaps Millennials are different? But I don’t think so. I think ultimately people are people. How we dress, changes. How we communicate, changes. But how we think on certain topics? I’m not so sure. I think when it comes down to attraction, very little has changed from our core. That might upset the scholars and the PC police, but it’s my position that people who communicated with smoke signals got turned on the same way people who communicate with iPhones do today. I didn’t want to go there, but I’ll bury it in my article. I think most women would be very bored with weak, passive men in day-to-day life and especially in the bedroom.
That being said, times are changing. You can’t put off the inevitable. Women are opening doors for men and women are leading men on dancefloors. That’s cool if it makes those couples happy, but are the women doing it because they want to or because it’s a small price to pay to be with the guy they’re otherwise attracted to? The guy might be their type looks-wise, personality-wise, have the great job and be faithful, but maybe he’s just lacking in the testosterone department. Maybe it’s not that big of a deal, but I just find myself trying not to stare. It’s like driving by a wreck on the highway and not rubbernecking. It’s one of the greatest temptations in my life. The worst is being stuck at a redlight and seeing a man in the passenger seat and the woman talking and talking. Maybe she’s talking about how great their life is, but I tend to think she’s berating him. The fact that the guy isn’t talking and is just staring down at his shoes is usually a pretty good indication of what a wonderful life he must have.
You know how they say a look is worth a thousand words? Well I’m always saying “you poor bastard,” with my eyes anytime I see a guy serving as little more than a punching bag or a doormat for a dominant woman. As I alluded to earlier, the really sad cases don’t even look up from the floor. It might sound funny if it weren’t true. That said, imagine if the guy spoke up and/or stood up for himself for a change. Imagine if instead of waiting for her to plan dates or hoping she’ll say what needed to be done, maybe he took the lead from time to time? I guarantee you he’d be way happier and she’d probably want to go on a second honeymoon, followed by a third, fourth, and fifth. I know times have changed, but we’re the same people we’ve always been. Sure, we have cell phones and AI now, but the basics don’t ever change. Or do they?
Are women attracted to doormat guys? Has that become the new norm? Or do they want a strong man to put their arm around them, take the lead down a dark alley, or reassure them when they need words of encouragement? Maybe that’s sexist, or maybe it’s reality. Men are bigger, we are stronger, and we are faster. That’s not sexism, but scientific fact. Women are probably smarter, I don’t doubt it, but maybe I’d argue it. I’m a lawyer and arguing is like my second language. Men have their strengths and weaknesses and women have their strengths and weaknesses. Each gender is equal to the other and each gender is a 50/50 partner in a healthy relationship, but the basics still apply. I can totally appreciate a relationship where both partners are equal, but I struggle to think women want to be in charge. I just don’t buy it.
I also find it very difficult to see a man ordered around in public like a child. I wouldn’t like to see a woman ordered around, either, because that’s humiliating as well, but there are guys who love that. They love being put in check in public – the more people to witness it, the better. I have no doubt those guys exist, but I guess I’m very curious what kind of woman is drawn to that. I can’t imagine there are many. I can’t imagine a woman finds that hot in any, way, shape or form. If anything, maybe the guy checks all the other boxes and these poor women have to learn to accept they’re dating weaklings.
In the end, it comes down to different strokes for different folks. You have to know what you like, know who you are, and hopefully not settle. Settling is for the birds!
Thoughts?
